Is money a Source of Conflict Between You and Your Partner?
Love, money, and more specifically, disputes about money can escalate way beyond rationality.
They can come up because of reckless spending, unpaid bills, job loss, or because money has become a tool for manipulation.
Millions of marriages and intimate relations are ruined because of money problems (and conversations around money). How is that simple pieces of paper can have such a profound impact on relationships?
In truth, money is often just a reflection of our inner conflicts – between ourselves and our partners. So, when you are having an argument about money, rarely is it that money is the only real issue.
When We Mix Money with Love
Conflicts based on money need to be unpacked to understands its deeper level and implications. In fact, behavior in relationships or personal beliefs about money are much more complex. Education and upbringing build our approach to money.
Quite often we mix up money and love. It’s a reflection of the approach to money our parents established early in our lives.
Did your parents deny you money, constantly saying “you’re too young to understand” or “we don’t have enough”? Did they accumulate their money and then use it to reward or punish you?
To understand the deeper cause of money conflicts (ones between partners, but also internal ones), you need to find out how your attitudes and beliefs towards money have formed and changed over time.
The way you take care of your money is not any psychological strangeness. It is a reflection of your personal style. Especially, one specific style: love.
Your Relation to Money and Yourself
Let’s think about some common money problems you might have:
- You have no idea how much you spend (and what you spend it on)
- You’re in deep debt or anxious to even think about money
- Perhaps you deprive yourself of spending to maintain responsible behavior
- You underestimate yourself because you’re scared of financial success
All of this relates back to your emotional stability and state. Beneath these patterns of behavior, which simply control you more then you control them, there is usually quite a lot of emotional pain hidden.
If you get stuck in any behaviors that keep repeating themselves, it likely means you’re stuck somewhere else in your emotional life. You should take a step back and address first, focusing on what makes you happy.
When Financial Management Won’t Work
Sometimes, the solution to your financial problems in your relationships requires more wise money management, but sometimes it can only mitigate your financial demons.
Perfectly-set-up budgets can only reduce anxiety, but it does not solve your emotional issues connected to your approach to money.
If you keep a balanced budget in your company, but you are not able to apply it in your personal life, you are controlled by so-called “financial demons.”
They have an excellent ability to appear at any moment when you try to lead somewhere with a strong perseverance. They can destroy it and leave you alone in despair.
Building a Healthy Relationship with Money
Our money behavior is driven by deep emotional formula.
If we understand money as an expression of our deepest fears, tensions, and imagination, it can be a window of our inner world. This is where the questions of self-esteem might be waiting as well as some emotional hurts which are calling us to be solved.
How could Wallet be helpful with it?
At app, you can find the so-called Wallet index which allows you to add an emoticon to any of your spending and like this, you can sort all of them by 3 categories( Like it/ don’t like it/ OK). Also, you will get an overview of which of your costs make you really happy.
Like this you can support your positive and easy-going relation to your money and maybe, you´ll find that to feeling rich and happy you need smaller things than you previously thought. E.i. an afternoon coffee with your close friend with whom you can talk about what is really going on in your life right now.